Have you ever been so bone tired you were not sure you were thinking straight? So tired that it translated into physical pain?
I used to experience that all the time in residency. 36 hours straight, up and working. I was part of the last group to have no work hours laws. That kind of fatigue taught me a lot about myself, what I could endure. I also learned that the key to survival was finding something rewarding, redeeming about each patient and each situation.
I remember dictating the next afternoon after my first night on call as an intern…realizing that I had fallen asleep in the middle of it and rewinding to hear my voice trail off into gibberish. Or my last year of doing inpatient and outpatient medicine in private practice. On call, I would sometimes get upwards of 17 pages in a 24 hour period, perfectly spaced to be every 30-40 minutes, right as I was drifting off to sleep. There was nothing left to do as the beeping would start up again but cry and beg God to give me a break somehow.
Then, there was the new mom thing. That is a different kind of tired. At least the cause of that is cute. That helps. So do ear plugs. Sometimes. But so help me, I am not above begging my toddler to stay in bed. For the love of all things holy, please stay in bed tonight? Mommy will give you a prize!
Well, I have said all of that to say…I need some sleep!