My son caught a little, tiny frog the other day. He stored it in a small mason jar for days. No food. What do you feed a tiny frog? Ants? So I told my son that he had to let it go. It was the humane thing to do. I figured it would be a good life lesson.
The poor kid cried for an hour straight, wracked with sobs, mourning his frog. He was hoarse from the wailing.
So to make it up to him, I told him he would get to pick out a “real” pet at the pet store the next day.
“Just NO dogs or cats. Got it?”
He nodded solemnly. “Got it.”
This morning he bounded into my room, hopped onto the bed, and yelled “Mommy, it’s PET day!!!” Huge smile…
So I took the kids to the pet store.
My son fell in love with a small lizard.
My daughter fell in love with a Miss Piggy dog costume and put it on her head.
“Your daughter has such beautiful hair, all golden and curly!” said the older strange woman as she passed down the aisle. “Thank you…” I said after her.
It wasn’t my daughter’s hair. It was Miss Piggy’s hair.
At any rate, the lizard’s price tag said $7.60. I breathed a sigh of relief. This is gonna be great!
Then, I was informed of everything I needed for the “habitat”.
$230 later… A dog would have been cheaper.
I should have just let him keep that dang frog!
Fine. Whatever. I did make a promise. Stupid me.
So then, at the checkout, who showed up behind me? A patient! She began talking with me, showing me her grandson.
My son, meanwhile, was so proud of his lizard that he wanted to get her attention so he could show her. How did he get her attention?
He grabbed her boob.
My 4 year old son (who looks like he is 7 1/2) grabbed a woman’s boob and then squeezed it. In public.
The world came to a screeching halt. There was a roaring in my ears. In slow motion I saw the horrified look cross this woman’s face. My son pulled his hand away. He took a step back. He stammered.
What to do? Call my son out and do a teaching moment about never touching a woman’s boob without her permission? Does she want me to make a scene in the store? Or should I just ignore it? I can’t ignore it. I cannot just ignore it. What if he does it again to someone else? But I wouldn’t want someone talking to their son about my boob in public.
So I apologized and told her that he and I would have a discussion about it in the car. I hurriedly paid for the cheap lizard and his expensive paraphernalia and the Miss Piggy dog/daughter costume, and made my exit.
In the end I lost a lot of money, my dignity, and probably a patient. All in the pet store.
Now, I will drown my sorrows in cold fried pickles and ranch dressing…