The Professional Patient

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“Alright, Mr. Smith. I am going to need to have you drop your drawers and bend over with your elbows on the table.” I was using my perky voice.

I placed a box of Kleenex down apologetically on the exam table in front of him.

“You are going to do what?” He stared incredulously at me. He was an older man with a receding hairline and an uncanny resemblance to my father.

“I am here to check your prostate.” I tried to maintain the perky tone even though my hands shook and my palms sweated as I pulled on the latex gloves.

“Like hell you are.” His voice was raised and I could detect a hint of distress. He stepped menacingly toward the door.

Taken aback, I stood up quickly getting out of his way.

The shadow lurking in the corner stepped forward.

“Mr. Smith, if you do not allow this exam, you will not get paid the $25…”

He looked at the shadow.

Then at me.

Then back to the shadow.

“Fine,” he growled. In no time, his pants were down around his ankles.

It was then that I felt my first prostate…

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38 thoughts on “The Professional Patient

  1. I don’t know about that guy, but my husband goes for routine prostate exams, and tells me he prefers the cute female PA to examine him – not necessarily because she’s young and cute (although I’m sure that’s part of it, the silly old coot), but because her hands are smaller and she tends to be gentler than the male PA.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sooo funny! And I never thought about how difficult it would be for the female physicians. I agree that it was not fair to tell them how they were going to earn their $25. Husband always asks the the PSA.

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    • The first is always the hardest! They use dummies a lot more now, but nothing really can replace learning on the real thing. I am eternally grateful to this nameless man who let me practice on him…

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  3. Now I see what you mean — I could offer myself up for exams of my modified body. But the thing is, for $25, I’m pretty sure they don’t fix it. Or if they do, there is no warranty on the work!

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