IKEA: Relationship Stress Test


I don’t usually post twice in the same evening, but another post “I Can English” by amommasview got me reminiscing about this particular IKEA trip a few months ago. Check out her event “IKEA Sundays”!

Instead of marriage counseling, couples should be required to make a shopping trip to Ikea on a holiday weekend with two small children in tow (not necessarily their own) with a list of five furniture items they need to decide on and purchase successfully. If they can survive this without breaking anything or murdering anyone and STILL want to get married, it was a match ordained in heaven.

The union is clearly blessed by God himself. Let no man tear asunder…

Ikea is well known for its “some assembly required” issues, but there is so much more to the experience than just that. Putting it together is actually the easy part.

My kids want to flop down on any upholstered surface they can find. Walk a few steps. Flop. Walk a few steps. Flop. Walk a few more steps. Flop. Lord help me. Time outs stopped working on the first floor.

The toy section is a mine field! At least it is a cheap minefield…

Why on earth are there only two tiny women’s bathrooms in that whole huge, gigantic store?

And why, even though you make a potty break upon arrival, do your kids decide that they have to pee at the one single place that is the farthest from both locations…right when you are about to locate and gather the appropriate boxed items from the warehouse area?

And when you get to the said bathroom, running at breakneck speed before the toddler bladder breaks lose, why does the floor have to be wet with a thin layer of slippery, muddy appearing goo (I really hope that was only mud and not something else) that has clearly accumulated through the whole day thus far and makes walking treacherous? Why does the low, kid friendly sink have to not function and the others have a full 18 inches of countertop in front before reaching the bowl… soaked… with no paper towels in sight because instead they only have the loud air blade hand dryers that terrify small children?

After promising the kids we would take home Swedish meatballs, why did the register in the food section have to be closed? “Take your items to main check out to purchase!” the sign says. Right. Damn you and your tasty meatballs that are worth actually standing in line again for another 20 minutes!

Someone is bound to need to pee again before this is over…

Just when I thought I was home free, there was the discovery that children’s beds actually have the slats sold separately, necessitating another two hour round trip back to IKEA before closing time so a 4 year old boy who had his heart set on his new big boy bed does not get disappointed.

Why do I love IKEA so much? Arrrrrggghhh! I am a tortured soul.


29 thoughts on “IKEA: Relationship Stress Test

  1. Oh, I can’t tell you just how much I hate IKEA. We lived in Europe for five years and had to furnish many rooms with IKEA. I hate everything about the place. I am too old to buy furniture I must put together myself, only to find it incredibly uncomfortable!


  2. I had to sell my Ikea bed; I really liked it. But I so had a chuckle about the kids and collapsing on each upholstered spot, LOL! It’s a cool place, but I’ve not been in years. Enjoy!


  3. Trips to IKEA, moving and doing a home renovation project are all challenges couples should really undergo before deciding on forever. We just moved last week and had some laughs afterward at the number of times divorce crossed our minds while packing up our old house. My parents always told me that wallpapering the bathroom was the hardest part of marriage…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve been there 3 times, most recently a few weeks ago. There’s a story like yours around every corner. I stopped in my tracks when I saw the Christmas ornaments fo sale. Lots of them. The checkout guy told me they were there in September. That’s nuts.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Here, as you well know, one must drive through the bowels of Boston to get to IKEA – if you remember it’s located at the business end – well past the Sigmoid of I-95) That’s enough of a deterrent for ME! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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