Dried Out and Dessicated


I have this secret pride thing, this belief that I am not terribly vain and that this humility in fact makes me better than certain other people. I know, I know. Roll your eyes. Aside from the fact that statement does not make much logical sense, I will bet that if you think hard enough you have similar pride things of your own. I say that to say that after spending my whole life not thinking I am beautiful, what is there to be vain about in the end? So I don’t spend a ton of money or effort trying get all dolled up.

A number of months ago, I received a gift of a tiny sample jar of a face cream. I liked how it made my skin feel and smell and so I went to the store to see if I could pick up a full size jar. 

The saleswoman approached, looked at me, then said, “You probably need this one. It fights the effects of aging. The other one just prevents it.”


She smiled sweetly as she said it, too, and her 19 year old face did not even crease, not one bit!

“It is made from the flowers here…” She picked up a bunch of old yellow flowers that were sitting out on a nearby display. “These are over two years old. They look like the day they were picked, don’t they?” 

Well, sure. In a dried out desiccated sort of way.

“We harness this essence in the cream.” She pretended to smell the flowers, then put them back on the shelf.

$140, people. I paid $140 damn dollars so I could look and smell like dead flowers. It wasn’t even the cream I went in for.  

Looking back, I am still marveling over how this happened. She was good. She was very good. 

I hate her. 

Did I buy the cream out of spite?!?!??

I’ll show you, lady. I will buy this smelly, expensive cream and then come back here and make you look at me!

At least it was not a cream made out of baby foreskin… And it did not involve needles…. Or lasers…


142 thoughts on “Dried Out and Dessicated

  1. Incontrovertible proof that they do not teach common sense in medical school.

    You’re a physician, you could have at least leaned into this satanic cherub’s face and remarked somberly, “You know, that discoloration you have right there reminds me of a nodular melanoma I removed from a woman’s face just last week. God, I hate the smell of those things under the laser.”

    The young and bitchy are so easy–you just give them something to think about and they spin like a Roulette wheel for months.


    • I am taught caring and compassion in medical school. That does not make me stupid. I would rather pay $140 and not become an evil bitch myself. Life will take care of her, I don’t have to.


  2. This reminds me of a friend who got a job over her summer holidays at university in a pharmacy where she earned 10 pounds for every jar of cream she sold for 100 pounds. She managed to flog mountains of the stuff by telling all the customers, as they admired her 19-year-old face, that she had been using it for 15 years and was 38 years old!!

    Liked by 1 person

      • Correction to my comment: I should have said, “There’s one OF US born every minute.”

        For who among us with an extra $140 and an overabundance of vanity has not done the same thing, be it cold cream (see things old people say) or diet miracles (yes, I fell victim to Metracal (see again things old people…).

        So, pick that head up. Let us see that pretty face, dessication and all.

        You’re welcome.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s