I have this secret pride thing, this belief that I am not terribly vain and that this humility in fact makes me better than certain other people. I know, I know. Roll your eyes. Aside from the fact that statement does not make much logical sense, I will bet that if you think hard enough you have similar pride things of your own. I say that to say that after spending my whole life not thinking I am beautiful, what is there to be vain about in the end? So I don’t spend a ton of money or effort trying get all dolled up.
A number of months ago, I received a gift of a tiny sample jar of a face cream. I liked how it made my skin feel and smell and so I went to the store to see if I could pick up a full size jar.
The saleswoman approached, looked at me, then said, “You probably need this one. It fights the effects of aging. The other one just prevents it.”
She smiled sweetly as she said it, too, and her 19 year old face did not even crease, not one bit!
“It is made from the flowers here…” She picked up a bunch of old yellow flowers that were sitting out on a nearby display. “These are over two years old. They look like the day they were picked, don’t they?”
Well, sure. In a dried out desiccated sort of way.
“We harness this essence in the cream.” She pretended to smell the flowers, then put them back on the shelf.
$140, people. I paid $140 damn dollars so I could look and smell like dead flowers. It wasn’t even the cream I went in for.
Looking back, I am still marveling over how this happened. She was good. She was very good.
I hate her.
Did I buy the cream out of spite?!?!??
I’ll show you, lady. I will buy this smelly, expensive cream and then come back here and make you look at me!
At least it was not a cream made out of baby foreskin… And it did not involve needles…. Or lasers…