Relativity Theory

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“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.” – Albert Einstein

(By way of explanation, this is a redo of a post from a year and a half ago. It needed some tweaking. I am going through old posts and putting them together into a book. NOT for sale. For myself. So you may see a few of these…)

My kids are pretty…active. So when I picked them up from daycare and they were both clutching bags of brightly colored plastic Easter Eggs, I knew I was in trouble.

Before I even had them buckled into their seats, they were ripping through plastic wrappers with their teeth, bingeing on candy.

Anyone who has ever tried to pry chocolate marshmallows from a preschooler’s hands knows that those fingers become talons. The eyes get wide, the bottom lip trembles, the fingernails suddenly grow about a half inch, and then ear splitting wailing commences.

“Moooooooommmmmmiiiiieeeee! Don’t take MY candy!!!!!” 

Full on banshee mode complete with a river of tears and why do you hate us so looks ensued. My daughter even went so far as to cradle her chocolate bunny in her arms, and whisper, “I’ll protect you!” into it’s little chocolate ear.

My mind had been burdened and living elsewhere for the past several days. I was exhausted and I had no fight left. Zero. So the little voice in my head said, “Go ahead, let them eat candy. It doesn’t take that long to get home anyway.” I figured those plastic eggs would slow them down a bit since tiny hands sometimes have a hard time grasping those smooth, shiny surfaces. 

Stupid, stupid little voice in my head…

I underestimated how much candy a preschooler can eat in 10 minutes. 

Wow.

The carnage in the back seat was extensive. I contemplated just driving around in the car for the next few hours since at least they were strapped down by seatbelts back there. 

Then I came to my senses.

So the rest of the evening was punctuated by more screaming, wrestling, spitting, and time outs than I have ever experienced in recent memory. Squared. Since there was two of them.

So, Albert Einstein had it right. Relativity. The perceived length of time before bedtime vs. the actual time is amplified during sugar crashes.

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63 thoughts on “Relativity Theory

  1. I’ve never tried that with candy but it works with McDonald’s. Our kids rarely got McDonald’s = maybe once a month. We were driving to Disney World in Orlando from Ottawa on vacation with 3 of the kids’ friends with us. They kept begging to eat at McDonald – and you know how many there are advertised along the interstates. I got tired of it and agreed with my wife that we would take them into McDonald’s for every meal until they got tired of it. Breakfast, lunch, supper and snacks – all McDonald’s for two days. The third day I pulled into McDonald’s for a meal and they all started to whine: “Do we have to eat here again?” ha! I WON! Let me tell you I wasn’t long finding a nice diner. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s a wonder that chocolate bunny didn’t melt in her arms, thereby causing even more crying. Must’ve been one heck of a ride – kudos to you for actually driving them all the way home, instead of ditching the car and them (temporarily, of course). I’m not sure I would have done as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. As a new grannie, I can relate – though I’m the culprit. My grandson and I go out for a milkshake once in a while. Then we run around the block three times and it’s go-go-go for the rest of the afternoon. At least I take the brunt of it before passing him off to his mother. 🙂 Two preschoolers at a time? Yikes! Those sugar highs are intense!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Are you sure there isn’t a way you could consider publishing THAT book? I find your writing heartwarming, funny, moving, thought provoking and life affirming. I know nothing about medicine, yet relate to so much of what you say. With so many comments on your blog, I reckon there’s a market out there.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Talk show host Jimmy Kimmel once encouraged parents to film their kid’s reactions after they were told their Halloween candy was tossed in the garbage. The results were hysterical and a little mean. Is it right to torment children for a laugh? You can search on YouTube for it. It’s pretty funny stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

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