Door To Door, The Aftermath


This Halloween we gave out 1,780 pieces of candy in about two hours. Friends came over, bringing extra candy to help out. By 7:30 PM we were done, forced to make a rapid retreat into the house while ducking insults from those who got turned away. At some point the police showed up next door…

Each year, I see things that drive me absolutely crazy. This Halloween was no exception. 

My favorites?

The grandmother taking a little girl around the neighborhood who had a tiny Chihuahua dressed as a pirate cradled in her arms. I gave the little girl a piece of candy and she turned to start back down the walk. The grandmother, however, stood there expectantly, holding out another bag, indicating that she was trick or treating for her dog. She refused to budge until I dropped a candy bar into the bag.

Worse, there were several other grandmothers and parents in no costume at all and with no dog in costume who were also trick or treating for themselves. I just don’t get it. Steal from your kids like everyone else, OK?

Some parents were drunk. 

Some were high.

Some drove slowly down the street in their car, watching their very little kids (ages 4 or 5) from their vehicles instead of walking with them. Some had their kids ride on the hoods of the cars or on open tailgates from house to house. This is not a neighborhood of vast estates, mind you. We are pretty darn close together. 

Some were having loud conversations on their phones as they walked their kids around. “Hold on… Sweetie, tell the nice lady thank you... OK, so Steve says blah, blah, blah…”

There were a lot of kids carrying two bags, one for them, one for a mysterious sibling that was not with them. Does that sibling actually exist? I have my doubts.

Several kids were running, elbowing their way in front of the other hoards. They were too out of breath to say “Trick or treat!” and did not stick around long enough to say thank you before they were tearing off to the next house. I sort of hoped they would trip on a flower bed… A skinned knee maybe? Nothing serious, just something to slow them down a bit.

Many walked right through my yard (a thousand people walking through your wet, muddy yard is NOT cool). There is a side walk.

Others came through two or three times. I know because they had no masks on and I recognized their parents.

There were parents dressed up as police officers or princesses while their two year old was dressed as a terrifying bloodied zombie carcass. I don’t get it. I doubt that toddler asked to be a zombie.

Some kids did not like the one candy per person policy and demanded that I give them more. Some did not like the candy they were given and demanded that I take back the Kit-Kat, damn it, and give them a Butterfinger. Others argued that I did not give them candy at all and when I told them that I did in fact give them candy twice (their costumes affected their peripheral vision so I tried again to get them to register the weight of the candy bar plopping into their bag) refused to leave until I gave them more. Maybe it was my fault. When they show up 30 or 40 at a time, it is hard to keep track.

Several had no idea where they were and wanted the name of the street spelled out for them, perhaps to text it to their ride or enter it into GPS?

But my biggest pet peeve of all is having to pick up after people who eat their candy right then, dropping their wrappers on the ground in front of me. Is that really necessary?!?!?! I understand that you like chocolate. Who doesn’t? Put the wrapper in your gosh darn bag for crying out loud, NOT in my grass!

Be warned: Next year I will not dress up like pirate Merida. No Victorian princess. No steampunk diva. Oh, no. Next year I am dressing as an elderly curmudgeon and yelling at people from my front porch. 


173 thoughts on “Door To Door, The Aftermath

  1. Wow! Kind of takes the fun out of Halloween. We live in a neighborhood with sidewalks and houses close together, too. But, I only had about 100 kids and was pleasantly surprised at the manners they had this year. In past years it’s been running, screaming, rude behavior. This year they actually said Trick or Treat (not a given in years past) and Thank you. I was expecting the worst since it was Saturday night, maybe that’s why I was so surprised. When I went out for a run the next morning I noticed all the candy wrappers along the curb.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We survived another Halloween without some of the mayhem you seem to get in your neck of the woods. The kids were sweet and well-mannered for the most part, knew where they were, only came once and didn’t eat one piece of candy on my lawn. The night before there was a pack of boys howling outside my house for a long time. No idea what they were doing. I prefer to imagine them telling anecdotes. At least my kids were inside and safe.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. WOW! I only got about 20 kids, and that was only because it was a Saturday and some moms drover their kids around in their cars. I was glad to be rid of the 15 goody bags I made and then some. Normally I get like 10 kids.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I was absent from home one Halloween. A day or so following my return I went to put on the old pair of shoes I had left just outside my front door (I live in a flat so they where on the communal landing). I had left them there by mistake and some kind person had taken it into their head to leave a whole egg in one of my shoes! Fortunately I noticed and didn’t put the shoe on. I can only imagine that not finding anyone at home when they came Trick Or Treating the kids had decided to put the egg there! Wonder how it would have tasted had I boiled it …!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh, that would piss me off to no end! I was a little upset that the past two years, we’ve gotten NO trick-or-treaters, but yours would leave me much angrier. Next year, just hide in the bushes with a water hose and sprayer. TRICK!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. How does one expect kids to have minimum manners (don’t drop the wrapper) when their parents are showing them the “right” way? Lazy, cruising in the car, etc.
    in France some teachers get hit by the parents when they give a bad grade to a student. Talking middle school here. A teacher, a few years ago was hit so badly by a mother (!) that she was taken to the hospital. 😦
    Here in Mexico, halloween problem solved. Because of insecurity, repeated assaults, B&E’s, we gated the street. The only tricksters are the kids form the street. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Actually the door (and the Latin phrase fooled me) went back to Italy last year, Milan, Bologna, Florence, Siena, etc. And the church doors in the duomo and presbyterium (?) in Florence caught my eye. πŸ˜‰
    I also like your eye for detail. You seem to have a way of shooting what most people don’t see. Which, for a doctor, is most certainly an asset for diagnostic. Seeing what others don’t see.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. YEAH, THAT’S THE TICKET! GET OFF MY LAWN! (For what it’s worth, I feel exactly the same way. Luckily, we live in a neighborhood populated mostly by old folks like my wife and me (68 & 70, respectively), so we only get three or four trick-or-treaters each Halloween.
    I really enjoyed your post!! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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