Doctor Love

Chicago 115

The phone rang. I was off duty as of five minutes ago. Suck it, people! I looked at the caller ID. It was NOT the ER this time. 

I answered it.

“Hey! I got you something special….”

“Really?” I tried to hide the surprise in my voice.

“Yep! You’re gonna love it,” he promised.

I hopped into the car, heart swelling, and fantasized about that gift all of the way over from the hospital. What could it be? Jewelry? An antique of some sort? A rare book? 

He never got me real presents. But it was Valentine’s Day after all and he had been out of town at a specialty conference all week. 

Please let it be something nice!

When I arrived he proudly handed over the gift bag. It was navy blue and it felt heavy.

Not jewelry, then.

I tossed the white tissue paper aside and looked eagerly inside. A breath caught in my chest.

There were dozens of drug rep pens. A viagra tie. One of those squeezy heart shaped stress ball thingies emblazoned with the name of a heart medication. An out of state hospital system sports bottle. AND a flimsy looking vegetable peeler with a tag that made it clear it was some sort of lame marketing gimmick: “Peel back the fog, try our Alzheimer’s medication…”

I looked up to examine his face, searching for a clue as to whether or not this was a joke.

“Do you like it?” he asked, his eyes sparkling hopefully.

Not a joke. Dang.

“Um. How many girlfriends have you had before?”

“Why do you ask?”

“No reason…”

I grabbed the sports bottle and filled it with ice water, took a sip, then told him that I loved it all. 

He beamed. It was then that I understood. Sometimes the smartest men are the most clueless.

But that’s OK. You just have to love them anyway.

“Do you have some carrots? We can try out that veggie peeler…” 


132 thoughts on “Doctor Love

  1. Reminds me of the time I gave my wife a pair of earrings made from little balls of lacquered moose shit. Of course I gave her much nicer stuff for Christmas that year, too, and the moose shit earrings were intended as a gag gift, but she didn’t take it that way and never forgave me. It’s been 25-30 years since that day, but she still gets mad if the subject ever comes up. I’m glad to see that you’re more forgiving of male cluelessness!

    Liked by 7 people

  2. My most memorable Valentines Day was 3 years ago. The story that goes with it is much too long, much too convoluted, to even begin telling. It was surreal. And let’s just say, I’m glad my husband and I have never made a big deal of the day, because if we did, the events from 3 years ago would spoil that day and every one, every year after.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. At least he thought of you. That’s a plus, right?

    As a young woman, I loved chocolate covered cherries, and when we were dating, my husband gave them to me for every occasion. Then I got pregnant and got sick on them, but I never let him know. Every year after that he continued to give me chocolate covered cherries, with a big grin on his face, and I never had the heart to tell him I couldn’t stand them. Getting UC was almost a good thing – I was finally able to tell him they were no longer on my able-to-eat list.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I bought Old What’s Her Face a bunch of nice Christmas gifts one year. They even included a pair of expensive earrings she’d been ogling for months. Then I tucked a splitting moll under the tree and put a Christmas bow around the handle. She wasn’t impressed at all.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. A young girl I work with says her fiancΓ©e gave her new windshield wipers for valentines day. I thought that was pretty funny. We don’t, nor have we ever really, exchange gifts on valentines. We spend the day together, sometimes not ever making it out of bed pre-kids, and she’ll get breakfast in bed, but no gifts per se. My mom is taking the boys this year so we’ll spend the day doing antique malls, sans kids. That’s a gift in itself! πŸ˜ƒ

    Liked by 2 people

  6. So, it would seem that the cluelessness of some men is a universal problem.

    After a couple of years of brutally awful gifts on my birthday, I came to the conclusion that I had to manage my own expectations – ie have none. I’m much happier now. Sometimes he hits a home run, sometimes a foul ball, but it’s all good, because I expect nothing πŸ™‚

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Oh dear. That can be a post all in itself. The most heartbreaking gift ever …

    My boyfriend of then 3 years bought my Christmas gift for me in the summer, and excitedly told me he had done so, but didn’t tell me what it was. For 6 months he told me about it. Once he took me to the jewelry store where he’d purchased it. Naturally I thought, well … Let me say that the beautiful opal and ruby necklace was just not what my heart was expecting. He had great taste, but not a fucking clue.

    Years later I got my emerald and diamond engagement ring for Christmas. From a different man.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. I had a boyfriend like that….so I bought myself a really cool piece of jewelry, wrapped it to the hilt…added a card that said something mushy and put his name on it as the giver….it was my birthday….after dinner I slid it on the table, when he was looking away, I looked away looked back and got all gushy…aw you shouldn’t have, the look on his dace was priceless…I opened it and blushed and ooooed and awed at how he shouldn’t have….he finally said I didn’t, and I said you should have…..we got married not to long after that the presents were so much better….sometimes you just need to give them a hint….LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Thankfully my Hubby’s great at picking out gifts. He did give me a fry pan for Christmas which I couldn’t figure out for the life of me because he’s so good a gifting. It turned out it was a gag gift meant to throw me off totally. It did. His real gifts made me cry because he knew just what I wanted and how badly and he got them.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Bless him. Reminds me of when Sam filled a bag full of stuff for foot care and didn’t understand why I was less than thrilled about it. “But your feet are dry and this will help!” Now, of course, I know he was doing the best he could in finding me something practical.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Pingback: My Article Read (2-13-2016) – My Daily Musing

  12. What could it be? Jewelry? An antique of some sort? A rare book?

    Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. To me, the female mind is, sometimes, a murky abyss. I once, when we were young and fairly poor, gave my wife a waffle iron (and a box of mix) for Christmas. Haven’t lived it down since.

    I do know that she wouldn’t like a rare book. She has lot’s of jewelry, more rings than she can wear at one time. There is no space I can think of in our house for (another) antique or bauble. The will is there but the answer eludes. I find comfort in routine, she craves novelty. We’ve been married for over a half century, so the difference is not a big deal, but it’s there.

    This last Christmas I bought her an anniversary ring (as the jeweler called it). A gold band for her right ring finger,with a dozen diamonds inset. It was a big hit. Now what do I do for next year? I’m running out of ammo here.


  13. For Valentine’s Day I got my bride a new refrigerator. Ours blew up and after paying for that, I couldn’t afford anything. Romantic, ain’t I? Have you shopped for refrigerators recently? My mind was blown. You can spend four grand on a refrigerator. Why??!!

    What city is that in the pic?

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Talk to them like you’re a teacher, and they are first-graders.

    “Thank you for getting me a present. It was nice of you to think of me. But I don’t like ugly brown pillows that are supposed to look like potatoes, so you can call it a couch potato. It was probably a good joke, in theory, but not for a real gift. Thanks for trying, but you know that $200 Omaha Steak package I got you, with the filet mignions, and the bacon-wrapped sirloins? That’s because I know you love beef, and you’re a grilling fanatic, and these are the best cuts of meat of the highest quality. See, you should do that for me. No, don’t get met beef, that’s what you like! You should get me something that I like! See how that works?”

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Oh. I’m speechless. 😦 I wish he was my boss… then I’d be able to clue him in on what to get you. As a matter of fact, you can give him my number anyway. I’ll school him on the art of fine jewelry for you. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Poor “thang”. (both of you) I can imagine the look on his face.
    I’m glad you did not execute him on the spot.
    Women have to realize the limitations of the male subspecies:
    we have no telepathic powers. Whatsoever. Despite what most members of the female subspecies regularly assume we should have.
    (Merci for the laugh)

    Liked by 1 person

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