I am stubborn.
Sometimes I do things just to be obstinate.
I admit it. It’s a thing I do. Sometimes I have to stop and weigh if what I am doing is because I was told I shouldn’t or because I really ought to do it that way.
Because I can.
I need to feel like I have control.
My daughter behaves similarly. When I ask her to do something she does not like, all rational thought leaves her body and she burns with a white hot over the top anger that will not be controlled. She very purposefully and very deliberately does the exact opposite of what she was instructed.
Because she, too, craves control.
Case in point: The other day she refused to move or speak for over an hour and a half when her teacher told her how she was supposed to color her Valentine’s packet. She still ignored the instructions and when she was called out on it, she lost it. The principal had to forcibly remove her from the classroom. A parent was required to leave work to intervene.
“But mommy! I wanted to color it rainbow!” Sob. “It was supposed to be RAINBOW!!! It would have been much prettier that way…” More sobbing.
Hell if I know.
But I will tell you this: It is terribly frightening to watch your own children struggle with your own issues and realize that maybe you don’t even have it figured out for yourself enough to help them.
*shuffles off to worry about whether or not she made the right decision to forgo computers on extendable arms in her clinic exam rooms…* (At least I didn’t scream about it.)