Cornered

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If you didn’t already know from previous blog posts, I became a mom in my late 30’s.

There are some benefits to being an older mom. Like, getting to watch everyone else raise their own kids the wrong way (nothing like having your own to teach you that you don’t know jack…. humility). Or having financial stability. Plus, you do have all those extra years to focus and get your career started off on a good track.

There are drawbacks, too, though. Such as realizing that everyone else will have graduated their kids from college when yours are hitting junior high. Freedom is a long ways off. Or, getting asked if you are your son’s grandmother. OR, having to wear reading glasses to apply dance make up to the moving target that is your daughter’s face. 

To be honest her make up looked really great… until I popped those readers on. Yikes. Another blow to the aging ego.

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120 thoughts on “Cornered

  1. We are in the same boat. First son in our mid-30’s then twins in our late-30’s. I have friends with kids in college now, mine will be in 8th and 6th grade, respectively, next year. Good and bad with waiting that long. But freedom is definitely a ways away for us too.

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  2. We had our children very young, the pregnancy wasn’t planned but figured we may as well have the whole family…I wanted to adopt a couple more when my kids were in their tweens (yes, I know, before puberty reared it’s ugly head). Thankfully my husband bought me a dog and that was the end of that! I don’t know which was better, the fact that we were too young to realize we were doing it ‘wrong’ or the fact that they were out of the house by the time we were in our mid-40s! πŸ™‚

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  3. We had our family when I was young and looking back it was a good idea for us. I had the energy to chase after the little fellows. They also liked to play with each other.
    Leslie

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  4. I was a new mom in my thirties as well. I remember very well the day a woman asked if I was my daughter’s grandmother. Maybe it wouldn’t happen so much today because women are having babies later. There are advantages to being an “older” mom like you stated. I am glad I got my education and I was more mature. I felt I was ready to settle down. πŸ™‚

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  5. My Mom was 41 and I turned out ok, maybe. . .
    How do you have the energy though? I was twenty-one and twenty-six when my boys were born; I was exhausted when we became empty-nesters. We suddenly started doting on our pets. ~Λ†..Λ†~

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  6. HaHA! I feel for you, I was 37 when I had my daughter, and seem to be the oldest mum in the world according to her! I’ve had to wear the glasses now full time rather than just for reading. At least you can do make-up, my 13 year old does it better than I do, and as for hair…Gah!!

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  7. I didn’t know that was late. What’s late now? Strange. Where my kids go to school, there are mommies older and younger. I suppose 30’s and 40’s mostly, but there are some super young mommies, too. The family down the street was young love teen pregnancy and all that, and they’re..seriously, I believe she said she graduated in 2010. So like, almost my son’s age…and he’s still parenting a cat…
    I wonder about this often. Am I tired because I’ve been raising children since 25, or am I just tired because I’m 42? If I’d been childless all that time, I feel like I might would have more energy in reserves. I do not know the answer. I guess it works out fine either way?
    I do know that it’s been easier as they grow up, and that two down and two to go is a motto around here. Less than a decade left til empty nest πŸ˜‰

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  8. I take care of my two year old great nephew Henry four days a week…usually 12 hours a day. His mommy (my niece who I love with all my heart and I use to take care of her when she was a baby) is a lawyer and honestly this little boy is about ready to do us ALL in….and he is a good little boy! I am 62 and I tell everyone “There is a reason why you have kids when you are young”,,,,HA! But is fun to be doing the full circle….I only hope I am still here to see Henry’s little ones….

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  9. Almost everybody in my family marries late. My cousin just started his family at age 40 – eek! I agree though that getting old sucks, I have started getting hot flashes but am in denial. “It’s just hot in Houston”… πŸ™‚

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  10. I had mine at 32 and 35 and I could not have done it any sooner. I’d have been a shrew in my 20’s. Regarding energy, having kids later had the opposite effect on me….I had more energy than ever. I lived a sort of 2nd childhood with them and had way more fun than I did in the first one ! πŸ’˜

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  11. I went to a high school reunion picnic when my daughter was 4 and someone assumed she was my grand daughter. Being entertained by the spontaneity of youth and learning songs by Pink and Evanescence, these are things that helped make up for the craziness of our puberty/menopause overlap.

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  12. I had my kids young and that would have been great if I hadn’t gone on to have more ten years later.
    There are merits to both but it’s lovely for my youngest to have her older siblings and for all of us to have a younger one around the house. She has a charmed life.
    I’ve not minded aging too much, but recently my almost perfect eyesight has gone downhill and I cannot and will not wear glasses. It’s not going to end well I know.

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  13. Ohj heck, who is to judge what is too old? I think we are better parents as an older adult. One day you will be very glad that you had children later rather than sooner I was born when my mom was 41. I had my two at age 29 and then a two months short of 31. Have not regretted being “older” and it is actually becoming more common to have children in late thirties and even mid-forties.

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  14. I had mine at 24 and 30. Sometimes I wish I would’ve waited a few years to have one for the reasons you mentioned, but as much fuss as my husband made over being “too old” when we had Baby Girl (and he was only 36 then!), I doubt a second would’ve happened.

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      • We were both 36 when we had our daughter. I guess I don’t know the difference, I was in medical college while the rest of my friends were birthing. I saw them at leisure (relatively) when their kids were already tween brats and I was thankful not to have that to look forward to on my way back home. Now, I feel I have more patience with my kid than I would have had a decade back. How has been your experience, presbyopia notwithstanding? πŸ™‚

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  15. Freedom is just an illusion. Once you become a parent, there is no freedom…ever. First they need you financially because it’s tough to get on their feet, even when they are in their late 20’s. Then they become parents and they need you to help with the grand kids. It never ends. And as far as I’m concerned, that’s a good thing. I (mostly) like feeling/being needed.

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  16. I’m with you, sister. I didn’t have kiddies until well into my 30s and I thank Bog for it. If I’d had them in my early 20s, like all my pals back home in Ohio, it would’ve crashed and burned. I was ill-equipped. for the demands. Now, all of my friends have kids out of college and into adulthood and I have a 9-year old. They have a chuckle at my predicament but I like it better this way.. I spent my 20s and 30s scouring New York City for something to do while they were nestled in the quiet suburbs.

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  17. Pingback: My Article Read (5-25-2016) – My Daily Musing

  18. I had my eldest son when I was 19 he is now 43 , then another who is 41 plus 10yrs later another who is 32yrs… so I manged to miss my youth not have a career and then have another in my thirtieits take heart I got it wrong both ways πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‰πŸ˜­πŸ˜‰πŸ˜žπŸ˜ 

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  19. Oh boy,oh boy! We adopted our first at 39 and my second at 41. So now I have friends with GREAT grandchildren and I’m still waiting for my first grandchild. So that is definitely a drawback, plus the fact I won’t live long enough to see my grandchildren grow up (okay, so maybe I’ll live to100). But otherwise, all of the benefits you mentioned, I had – and I’m glad for that!

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    • I console myself by figuring at least I will get to hang with the grandkids while they are cute before I die. But then again, maybe by then I will be at the age that I will find small children to be too loud and annoying….

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  20. As far as I can see there are pros and cons to having kids at any age. That said, I’m with Jane – it is a blessing to have kids at any age. My experience is that every kid has his/her own personality that will express itself no matter the age of parents. What they best learn is what I call the steel block – and that would be the integrity, honor, caring, love – that lies at the center of each of us. How they achieve that and how they process information is as unique as each child is unique.

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  21. Thanks for visiting my blog. Yes, I can relate, having had my son when I was 38. Having a bit more maturity and financial security was a very good thing. Because I had no help learning how to be a mother from my family, I gravitated to local play groups that also provided some parenting education, and later on a 10 week parenting class that was phenomenal. It is a little bit challenging to think about how I’m dealing with a middle schooler (with many issues- had to recently pull him out of school), when several of my cohorts have kids graduating from high school and college. So many years to go. But with my son’s issues, thank God I’m older. I don’t even want to know how things would have turned out if I’d had him in my 20’s. Oh, and yes, I’ve been mistaken for my son’s grandmother – especially when he was a toddler.

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  22. If you only want a couple of kids, why not have them later when the career is sorted and the house etc? Thing is, if you have more than a couple, even if you start youngish, you’re going to end up oldish and knackered by the time the last one is born. I lost the first ones, but had the first one that didn’t get away at 30 when I was fit and sprightly. I didn’t think I’d still be popping them out at 42 though. I don’t know if it keeps you young. It certainly makes the menopause seem like a holiday πŸ™‚

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  23. Haha! Since I wear glasses since the age of 14, I’m on the other side: every year, I see better and better without my glasses.
    And about the make-up, I’m sure you did fine. That is probably another case of over-achieving? Or the endless search for perfection?

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  24. I know the feeling. I had triplets at 36, almost 37 and have survived through their nineteenth year and getting them off to college. I must say, I think they have kept us young. We haven’t had time to slow down with all their activities and fortunately, the more parents we’ve gotten to know, sometimes we look like youngsters beside them. It’s a really mixed bag of ages, interests, personalities. It’s all good. It is tough in the dance department when lots of the mom’s look like young starlets themselves. It must run in the water among dance moms. Although I’ve seen some old gals out there too. I look at them with empathy and smile.

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