Already Written

 blue sky and foliage reflected in still waters 
She rattled off a list of complaints a mile long: spots in her vision that come and goes, left sided headaches and jaw pain, numbness around her lips, tingling in her hands and face, weakness in the arms and legs that comes and goes with the tingling, chest pain, palpitations, dizziness….

“You are super anxious, aren’t you?”


“Why is this such an issue right now? What’s going on in your life?” I asked.

Then it came pouring out of her.

Her husband was abusive verbally, emotionally, and physically. They were strapped financially. She was 39 and had a six year old son with a heart defect but more than anything else in the world, she wanted one more baby. A perfect baby. Her biological clock was nearing its end, she could feel it. She did not love this man but felt he was her only ticket to pregnancy. 

Time was running out.

Except that being pregnant would make her even more of a target for his abuse. She already knew this because it had all started with her first pregnancy.

How do you make love to someone you hate without losing your sanity?

It was like a poorly written book. The ending was already clear. I wanted to take the pen right out of her hand, to rewrite the story the way it ought to be.

But it was not my story to write…


109 thoughts on “Already Written

  1. Tough love, will not work with someone who refuses to listen.
    I lost a family member at 38 married, brilliant, and suffered many
    Her death certificate said non Hodgkins Lymphoma.
    It really should have read a broken heart.

    Liked by 5 people

  2. Messed up.
    I always struggle to to understand the thought process especially in this case. Her husband is a monster, they have no money, and yet she wants another kid by him just to make life even crazier for all involved. What kid would want to enter that world? Sounds like a case of ‘if I have another kid life will be alright’. Tragic and misguided.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I’ve read that a desperate need for love drives many abused young girls to want babies when they are young. I guess some folks just never out grow that need. So desperately sad, though.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Poor delusional woman. Can’t separate reality from dreamland. Maybe wanting a “perfect baby” is/was her way of remaining in a marriage even if it was killing her Sometimes people rationalize in insane ways and that is as good as an excuse as any. It is easier for them to remain status quo rather than make a change.

    But that is just one way that I am trying to understand why she can not wake up and move on.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The trapped feeling doesn’t go away. It is part and parcel of Battered Women Syndrome, and the worst symptom is the one where you think your abuser is omnipotent. First you believe there are no other options, then you believe you cannot escape, and lastly, that your abuser is everywhere, knows everything, and will find you. We all know that they kill us when they do find us, so it is better to stay and take than to risk it all. I am so sorry for her, and I get it. When you are in it, wishful thinking is your relief.

    Liked by 2 people

      • There are they presence of “safe houses.” Battered woman are housed
        there with their current children. No one but their social workers know where
        they are. I have served some battered women in a Food Pantry situation, they
        have post office boxes and are shut off completely from their families.
        It is a sad way to live, but safe for those involved.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I hope that you offered counseling or connected her with an organization that works with battered women. it is very easy to judge from the outside. But when you are in a relationship like this, you know nothing else. You feel you don’t deserve anything else. As for having a child within that relationship, it is about wanting to be connected and having something to love and love you back. Right or wrong. And your question…you are not “making love” farthest thing from your mind….. it is about survival only. I hope she gets a chance to see a better way.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Talk about stress – Whew. She can already see the negative impact on her health, if she doesn’t act soon, she will die of cancer or heart attack or some other body failure. Her situation is very difficult and the strength she has to keep going is amazing to me. So complex and so screwed up – you didn’t mention anything Victo, but what did you advise her?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I find that our bodies take over communicating when our brains/hearts don’t want to listen. Sometimes it has to shout at us to get is to take note… Sometimes the body is more effective in getting across than anyone else’s words ever will be.

      Liked by 3 people

  8. I don’t think the average person understands how many crosses you carry, willingly, because people tend to have their own ideas of what they want you for , and sometimes it’s not medicine. Sometimes I think there are those that want someone to walk the road with them, even if it’s only for a few paces.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I hope she understands that her physical symptoms are caused in part (or in total) by the stress of being abused. I hope she some day realizes that she does not deserve this, and if the abuse continues, she gets out safely. Thank you for the work you do.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. What a coincidence. Last night, my roommate at the boarding house shared what the priest at the church preached that day, that so many get married not because they want to have kids but “just because” they love their partners. That don’t they know that the primary reason to get married is to pro-create, as the Bible says? So I said if that’s just the reason, might as well have babies with anybody because I found that selfish, really. Without love, it’s not making love, it’s just sex.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I don’t understand the madness that grips women to have a baby at all costs. How could I? That drive isn’t part of my biology. But women who are so crazed for a child that they’ll be with anyone or do anything for it are probably the women who shouldn’t have babies. As if that would solve any of their problems.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Pingback: My Article Read (6-1-2016) – My Daily Musing

  13. Good thing I’m not a doctor. I couldn’t handle all that drama. I’d want to lock all those silly women in a room somewhere and then beat the crap out of the significant others when they arrived to take their women back home again. It annoys the hell out of me that women today are still so needy and so stupid as to get into, and stay in, abusive situations. No one needs that kind of “love”.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. So sad. So difficult to understand, especially when you have never been in such a position. I often wonder if some people are more vulnerable of getting themselves into situations like this than others? Or can it really happen to all of us? And if you get into a relationship like this, would some people get out easier than others? I guess you can never really know unless you’ve been there. From the outside, it all doesn’t make sense. She should have left so much earlier. Probably never gotten pregnant with the first one in the first place. But it’s not as easy, I guess, if you find yourself in this circle of doom…

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Indeed not Victoire. Wow! A self-imposed limit? (No, please don’t hit me)
    I’m just joking. You come out as a caring, strong-willed person. But it is also good to realize you can’t undo all the evil there is in the world.
    How’re your kids?

    Liked by 1 person

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