Touched

chimney cap shaped like a flute player

I was lying mostly naked on the table. The light from the candles flickered dimly. Soft music floated all around. Gentle hands moved over my very pregnant body, pressing here and there…

Soon, I realized silent tears were leaking from my eyes in a steady stream and it had become hard to breath. I was certain I was not doing a very good job of hiding it but the woman said nothing. She just continued to work.
Meanwhile, I was thinking about and reliving things that I did not want to think about or relive.

It struck me then how much of our sadness, anxiety, loneliness, stress, depression is worn on our bodies in very visible, touchable ways. 

Most people are afraid to touch us or even to really look at us, we are all busy trying to save ourselves, and yet human touch is critical to healing, as the physical and emotional are inextricably linked. 

That being said, I was wholly unprepared for the flood of emotions I experienced with that massage. 

I never went back.

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55 thoughts on “Touched

  1. So many negatives are associated with touching – it is simpler to not touch at all unless specifically asked to. And yes, there is an enormous amount of emotional “memory” that is stored physically – far more than one would suspect. One interesting part is that there is very little or no verbal memory stored that way.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s such a vital part — you are so right.

    I will always recall waking from my first and most complicated surgery. In ICU with a million unfamiliar noises, in a drug fog, with tubes coming and going from unexpected parts of my body. My surgeon touched my arm. “You’re going to be fine.” It made a huge difference to me.

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  3. The emotional and physical are so unbelievably connected! I understand being unprepared. I’ve experienced it so many times in the last several years. It’s been instrumental, actually, in so many ways. Lovely post, Victo.💜

    Like

  4. I love massage, and have had a similar reaction on several occasions. I’m sorry you didn’t go back – if not then, then at some later stage. I don’t believe “forgetting” is better than healing, in the long term – because you DON’T forget. On a tissue deep level, you remember.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Beautiful, Victo. I might even
    try a massage. I cry alone at
    night, can’t imagine what a
    massage would do to me?
    Stress needs to be released
    somewhere.
    Can remember giving a patient
    a back massage in nurses training.
    Never forgot him, he died a few
    days later & I cried for Mr Chinnery.
    That was over 50 yrs ago & I still
    remember his name.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. At least you were able to release a lot of pent up emotion. I sure hope the massage made you feel better physically. It really would be beneficial if you could allow yourself to benefit from a regular massage. I doubt that you would cry again since you would not be pregnant.

    In the past I went for a massage about x2 per month. The relaxation of my tensed up body was well worth the money. I was working at the time. I also went to an acupuncturist about 3-4 times a year for a tune-up. The treatment give me more energy. The MD retired and I have not found his equal yet, but I hope that I can.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I clicked on your post via my email and commented, but it’s not showing. Maybe it went to spam? I’ve been having that problem lately, grrr.

    Our emotional and physical selves are so powerfully linked. I’ve experienced it so profoundly in my history, and the last few years, it’s been instrumental in healing and connecting. Lovely post, Victo. I do hope there’s been opportunity to heal. 💜

    Like

    • It DID end up going to spam! Just found it. That happens to me, too, from time to time. It is like WP has a set number of comments you can do in a day and if you go beyond that, you get designated spam. Gah. (insert eye roll here)

      Liked by 1 person

  8. This same thing happened to me but I was not pregnant. My niece (the light of my life) was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and wow I didn’t know how much emotion I had inside me until it just burst with tears that would not stop. Luckily, it all turned out ok…(.thank you Dr. Henni from the Mayo clinic!).

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I really enjoyed working on my certification for Healing Touch Therapy. I almost finished and may go back some day. Amazing stuff. the feeling that one gets when doing the therapy is almost as therapeutic for the “healer” as it is for the client. I completely believe it works.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Very moving piece. I hope that if you haven’t found the time to deal with the feelings that came up, you will in your own time. I’ve learned that not only do we store these emotions in our skin, but quite literally in our tissues anywhere in our bodies. Dr. Bradley Nelson’s work speaks to this. A lot of my healing from an abusive childhood has been letting go of these emotions. It’s been a wild ride for my pancreas and liver especially.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Fascinating, Doc. I have never had a full body massage, not really sure why ? And the odd thing…there are 2 massage therapists in my family. They both say how physically taxing/exhausting it is for them, they have to limit their clients, depending on their own state of mind.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. You are such masterful story weaver, Victo. This one brings to mind how after a traffic accident injury, an excellent massage therapist helped me realize how previous (mental) injuries had left me recoiling from human touch. It was a breakthrough experience that led to tremendous healing – hard, painful work, but freedom often doesn’t come easily. Another great post.<3

    Liked by 1 person

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