I like sex.
I am a really, really big fan of sex.
With the right person at the right time, an orgasm is the most deliciously exquisite thing you can ever experience.
Jane, though, asked me what I would say to my kids in 10-13 years if they come to me saying they wanted to have sex.
First, I really DO hope my kids feel they can share that with me when the time comes.
Second, I hope I can be rational about my response. I will admit that I have serious, legitimate concerns about my staying calm.
Third, I hope that someday they get to experience some really great sex.
By the time they are considering sex, they will already be so sick of listening to their doctor mom talking about STDs, after I show them picture after picture after of the ravages of disease, I won’t even have to say anything more about that.
To my daughter I would say that our first time having sex as women is a very emotional act and ties us to that other person forever. The people in between? Meh. That is hit or miss. Choose wisely with this first one because you will have them in your head, and potentially your heart, forever.
As women, we bear the brunt of childbirth, child rearing, and disease. Engaging in sex is an expression of self sacrifice… symbolically and often literally giving your life and your future to another person. It can be a beautiful thing or it can become a very painful nightmare.
And I would also advise her that it won’t be fun, that first time. Painful physically, yes, but not fun. She likely will not achieve orgasm, because let’s face it, boys in that demographic are piss poor lovers. She will have way more fun if she waits.
To my son, I would say many of the same things I would say above. I would also tell him that love is not sex and sex is not love. Some girls do things they will regret because they are desperate for love and they don’t understand the difference between the two themselves.
I would tell him that controlling himself and his desires and urges is a key part of becoming a man. Control is sexy. Strength of character is sexy, sexier even than physical strength.
I would make sure they both know how to protect themselves properly from pregnancy and disease. Then I would step back and pray that what I have taught them over the years sticks with them and guides them to good choices.