There are a surprising number of physicians who blog. I loved this post from Deconstructing Doctor about how it feels to potentially miss something, how it can eat you up, how isolating the medical profession can be. Check her out!
I don’t always do the right thing. I don’t always figure it out. That’s the worst part of this job. The not being perfect part because not being perfect means I’m flawed and flawed people make mistakes and my mistakes can hurt people.
One time I almost missed a lung cancer. Oh God, the gut-wrenching weekend that I spent after that one. I must have lost 5 pounds just from the nausea that I felt. How could I eat? How could I breathe? My mind ground the details of the entire chart into a fine powder and then I sifted through that. Trying to account for every dust particle. How could I have failed so miserably? I could have just died. Truly. What a miserable wretch I was.
The crazy part is it couldn’t have been helped.
She had lung cancer a decade before. It came back. My angst came…
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