Flawed 

There are a surprising number of physicians who blog. I loved this post from Deconstructing Doctor about how it feels to potentially miss something, how it can eat you up, how isolating the medical profession can be. Check her out!

deconstructingdoctor.com

broken-saint-1422381-639x573I don’t always do the right thing.  I don’t always figure it out.  That’s the worst part of this job.  The not being perfect part because not being perfect means I’m flawed and flawed people make mistakes and my mistakes can hurt people.

One time I almost missed a lung cancer.  Oh God, the gut-wrenching weekend that I spent after that one.  I must have lost 5 pounds just from the nausea that I felt.  How could I eat?  How could I breathe?  My mind ground the details of the entire chart into a fine powder and then I sifted through that.  Trying to account for every dust particle.  How could I have failed so miserably?  I could have just died.  Truly.  What a miserable wretch I was.

The crazy part is it couldn’t have been helped.

She had lung cancer a decade before.  It came back.  My angst came…

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16 thoughts on “Flawed 

  1. This reminds me so much of being a mom. It starts with the power of life or death, and so I feel responsible for making that little life perfect. And so I fail a lot. But the truth is that my children were their own people from the start, with their own goals and decisions. I could do my best for them, tell them the truths I know, try to safeguard their health and happiness. But at the end of each and every day, I have to admit that they are their own gods, and the power of their life and death is in their hands–not mine. (Not that it stops me from trying or saves me from the guilt of my failures…)

    Liked by 1 person

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