Fecundity

“Mommy, when I have a little sister, I want to name her Leia.”

“Leia?” I swelled with pride at my young padawan’s name choice.

“No! Not Star Wars. Lee-yah!”

Oh.

“Hey, Mom, I want a little brother…”

Every evening, my daughter says a prayer asking God for a baby sister. Then she punches her brother when he prays for a baby brother.

The kids are ganging up on my poor uterus. What’s left of it, anyway. Between us, I think the hot flashes are its retaliation. The kids just don’t understand, no matter how many ways I try to explain it, that the physiology is impossible and I am not ever adopting another baby. 

No way. 

No how. 

I was asked by DearLilyJune, “In what ways does being a doctor help you in being a mother? Vice versa?” And HotplateKate asked, “As far as questions, mine would be about the struggles you (or others) face combining medicine and motherhood.”

There definitely pluses and minuses. 

For instance, I now understand the funny looks moms gave me when I asked if they were brushing their toddler’s teeth twice a day. Yeah. Twice a day. Hell, once a day is generally all you can manage when you work full time. And you know what? That is just fine. 

Also, I now understand the whole first time mom pathology. I have felt that craziness myself and I am so much more forgiving and patient than I used to be.

When I have a sucky day, I can get some good hugs and kisses that make it 95% better. The kids make enduring the crap so much more worthwhile.

That being said, the kiddos also make things more stressful. I have to pick them up by 5:30 every evening, no matter what is going on at the clinic. I have to get them ready and drop them off every morning. I have no extended family that can help out at this point if the kids are sick or if they are off of school for a holiday. Their father steps in a bunch and is a huge help but there are times he simply can’t.

Why don’t you just get a nanny? I get asked that a lot. To be honest, that is a difficult proposition but even if I could arrange it easily, I want to be a parent. I want to be a mom. So I choose to engage in a precarious balancing act. So far, I am making it work. I love medicine and I love my kids. I am glad that I have enough flexibility that I can do both. 

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70 thoughts on “Fecundity

  1. It’s definitely a juggling act. With five balls. Our stress is compounded by the fact that home, thus their school, is nearly an hour outside the city we both work in. A sick child at school, a midday md/dentist appointment, or an early dismissal due to weather just add a couple more balls to juggle. But they’re so worth it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Nannies aren’t cheap either. My allergist had three kids and said that she was literally working to pay her nanny. I like the idea that you want to be a full-time mother even though you work full-time. It’s a balancing act and it’s encouraging to hear other mothers doing it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I couldn’t afford a nanny when I needed one, but even if I had, I would’ve rather hired a housekeeper or even a cook and done the kid-stuff myself. Honestly, I don’t like the idea of strangers in my home and even now that I can afford it, I will hold off until I just can’t hack it anymore. (I’m hoping another 30 years or so. lol)
    My kids are at an age where they’re grateful they didn’t get that/ one more younger sibling, especially Sassy, who always wanted a baby brother. She now deals with other people’s baby brothers and she thanks me for not giving her one! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • All of their friends’ moms are younger, in the midst of having babies so they are seeing that and thinking it would be fun. Once you have them, you cannot get rid of them but they don’t understand that concept right now, either. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Who needs teeth brushing twice a day when they’re that young? They’ll only fall out anyway…. My daughter loves to brush her teeth. That’s more akin to spackling the counter with toothpaste. I think she does it on purpose to piss off her little brother, who hates to have anything sticky on his hands or clothes.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This sounds like my life as a working mom. This year brought the last first day of school for me. My 17 year old still has a best friend from pre-school (that wouldn’t have happened if I’d had a nanny.) We’ve had more adventures than I could have every imagined. Every minute, even the frustrating ones, were precious. I loved this post. I know you’ll always be close with your kids. It is all good. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I always envied the folks with family near by when Jacob was little. We managed (although I didn’t work till he was 8) with friends when there were crises and helped others whenever we could. But it is always a balancing act.

    Now that Jacob is 25, I kind of miss that. Until I remember trying to get him to brush his teeth, that is!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. ‘Why don’t you just get a nanny’ seems incredibly insensitive to me. Why don’t you just fuck off, I might answer to their face.

    I work with a first-time mom. She is a first-time mom with a mad vengeance. Worries about EVERY LITTLE THING. She’s got an app that arranges, in chronological order, a pic of her baby that she takes every day. EVERY DAY. So you can chart her growth from one day to the next. Why not hourly? Wait until the second one comes along. That’ll be the end of pic-a-day.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Am I the only one who had to look up the word fecundity? So I learned something this morning. Having children and a full time job is a balancing act and it sounds as though you are managing well with both. Two cats is as demanding as it gets around here these days. My boys are grown and have flown the coup. I miss them.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Somewhere in the middle of raising my three young daughters, ages 6 mos, 3 and 6, while working full-time, I distinctly remember telling a co-worker, “You know, you really don’t need as much sleep as all those studies say you do.” Of course, I was making up for lack of night-time sleep by taking 30-second “naps” in the middle of phone calls, eating, using the bathroom, etc. Goes with the territory.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. You go lady! One fast lesson I learned as a Mom was that it surely wasn’t about keeping it all together! It was about being there for your kids and letting them know how much you love them and heart to heart getting through this crazy life together!
    Laughed out loud about the brushing teeth thing. Totally agree!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I remember those days of constant juggling. The vast majority of moms are utterly amazing and somehow raise kids that grow up fine and become successful jugglers themselves! Family life is a three ring circus act and you just gotta go with the show 🙂 You’re doing just fine.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. When I was pregnant with my first child, I thought I would continue to work because I was ambitious and on a management track. When I had my baby, I was floored at how I wanted to be a stay-at-home. Like writing a story, you don’t know what will result. I had no idea I was going to feel so strongly about staying home. So, I understand how you feel about wanting to be there. I didn’t want someone else (I.e., nanny) teaching my kids their values. There are so many subtleties missed and taken for granted when you have a substitute. I eventually made it work and I don’t regret being there for my kids even though it has the inevitable stressful moments, but that’s life, eh? Relish every moment, even the trying ones because it is so true that they grow fast and will be so independent, you might find yourself thinking of “back in the day, they had me . . . “

    Liked by 2 people

  13. You can always use my line ” I didn’t have kids so someone else could raise them, I will mess them up all on my own. Someday if they end up in therapy it will be over something their crazy mother did, not some stranger.”😳

    Liked by 2 people

  14. There was a type evoked by a (female) friend (and client) of mine: The acrobat mom. (Useful for us in Marketing to understand) High education, high career juggling mom. (She was a good example). Some lapse into SUV moms. Few people realize the demands on you “guys”. The main reason we are up into our necks in crates and moving close to Daughter #1 is to help her be a doc and a mom. So she can drop the baby or pick him up at leisure. Don’t discard the “Nanny”. We have had a live-in “maid” with us for close to 25 years now. She loves the kids as her own. And helps with the new baby in case of emergencies. She has become part of the family. With no role confusion. There is a lot of room in kids’ hearts. (And that could give you a break some times.

    Liked by 1 person

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