The Day I Stopped Singing

Just like all kids, I had dreams. BIG, big dreams.

For instance, I wanted to be a figure skater for ages. They had beautiful costumes and were so graceful. But then one day I realized that since the freezer in my kitchen was the only time I ever saw ice, and that in itself was rare since the freezer was up high and I was not even in grade school yet, there was no way that was ever going to happen.

Then, I watched the Nutcraker ballet on TV and fell in love with being a ballerina. Those costumes were even better than figure skaters’ and it didn’t require ice. Every year I looked forward to the annual broadcast of that ballet at Christmastime. BUT since my parents thought dancing was sinful and god forbid some man wearing a codpiece touched me there during a lift, my chances of scoring lessons were slim to none. After a few years I gave up on that dream, too.

Then ROCK music came into my life. Well, my parents version of “rock” is not really rock but it was the only thing with a beat of any kind that I was allowed to listen to back then (think Amy Grant before she was “disgraced” or Micheal W. Smith). These were songs that I could feel. I just had to sing to them and I figured I was pretty good at it, too. At least I sounded good in my room with the radio turned up loud. My mother sang solos in church from time to time so it was in my blood, right? All I needed now was to be discovered…

In short order I had my entire career as a vocal star laid out and I took every opportunity that I could to sing in public until one day I recorded myself singing and then played it back. Cue the record scratch. It sounded horrible. Just like that, my music career was over before it had even begun.

After that, I stopped singing in public. I lost my voice so to speak. I would rather stand completely naked in front of a crowded room than to be asked to sing in front of them. I still sing in secret, though… In retrospect, it was the 80’s. The recording device I use using was from the late 70’s. It might not have been my voice that was the problem. Or maybe it was. I am not sure you can be a good judge of your own voice, really.

I say all of that to say that my son has started singing. He has always flat out refused to sing anything except for a few instances of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” sung in the darkness of bedtime when he was a toddler. It was like a switch flipped on all of a sudden a few weeks ago and now he is singing with gusto, with passion and emotion. 

As I watch him in the rear view mirror, it is an instant flashback to the time before my own infamous playback. He has a good voice, actually. I hope he sticks with it. I discovered something, too. When I join in with him, he does not scream and clamp his hands over his ears, begging for me to stop.

Now that he has found his voice, I hope he keeps it. It feels good to have someone to sing with…. 


140 thoughts on “The Day I Stopped Singing

  1. You have to do what makes you happy, what ignites your soul! If you don’t, you’ll be more harmed by trying to contain it! Go with it! Sing!!! I’ve started back at dance after 13yr gap. I’m a 33 mother of 2 back en pointe and it feels amazing! My legs aren’t up by my ears and my feet aren’t the pointiest, but it feels so good! Follow your dreams x

    Liked by 1 person

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