Pointing Ahead

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I thought I would do something a little different for the last post of 2016…

On A Slave to the Face from the other day, DM made a comment that got me thinking about our perception of beauty. What do we think the world wants to see in us and how does that compare to what we actually want to see in others. How does it compare to what they see in us?

What attracted you to your partner? How do you let them know what you find attractive about them? Do you think they believe you? What does your partner say about you? How do you feel about their compliments? What would you change about yourself? What would you change about your partner? Why?

This year I resolve to be freer with my own words of praise and a more gracious recipient of compliments from others.

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111 thoughts on “Pointing Ahead

  1. I struggle with accepting compliments while I am able to give them freely. I think many of us are this way, though we shouldn’t be. I like that you say you will be more gracious in accepting compliments. I am going to adopt this because I have seen how uncomfortable the giver can feel when rebuffed by the receiver.

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    • I tend to roll my eyes or grunt or sigh and say something awful about myself as a response and I always regard compliments with suspicion. What do they want from me? I know I am not alone in this. I have been blessed by wonderful people in my life. I need to embrace and appreciate that for what it is. πŸ™‚

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      • Maybe you understand there are some who would flatter you for advantage. In that sense, “A man that flattereth his neighbour spreadeth a net for his feet” (Pro. 29:5). We humans tend to praise looks, dress or abilities. We should always look for the “unseen” qualities in a person–things that cannot be defined by size or color. Notice the compassion, love and meekness and praise those eternal things.

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  2. Although you ask partner-based questions, this post brings to my mind, my mother. She was raised during the depression. She didn’t wear much makeup ever (mostly didn’t want to waste money) yet she had great skin. She always worried about her wrinkles as she aged and I didn’t see them. No matter how beautiful I told her she was, she saw something else. She didn’t age until the last 6 months of her life when she was very ill. She was in her mid-70s. I always hope that I am as lucky (not the dying in the mid-70s part but the lack of wrinkly skin!). I try to tell people about their good stuff whether it’s skin or behaviors. I know I feel so good when someone does that to me.

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  3. I’m not good at accepting compliments, and maybe even the worst when The Mister pays them. Sometimes I believe him though, and that’s nice πŸ™‚ I’ll try harder, but I won’t call it a New Year’s Resolution πŸ˜‰

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  4. I actually had to be taught how to accept compliments and appreciate them as part of my clinical training process. It didn’t come naturally. I tended to try and dodge compliments. Now I see them as an opportunity for deeper communication and connection and I value them accordingly.
    How we see ourselves, other people, and how we think others see us, is a seriously fascinating subject to me. Individual perception is subjective, biased, influenced by a variety of cognitive and emotional processes. There are so many examples. Here’s just one, Consider, how you evaluate some person you know in a social setting, maybe someone you are a bit critical of. Go through the checklist. Then immediately turn this checklist back on yourself.
    Could you even do what you did to that person dispassionately to yourself? It is very hard to do and it takes a lot of effort. I work on it, and still get in arguments with myself over my own self analysis.
    Laughing.
    Happy New Year! πŸ·πŸŽŠπŸŽˆπŸŽ‰πŸŽ†πŸ’ƒ

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  5. That’s a great resolve, dear friend. From who you seem to resemble, you are likely beautiful in many eyes. As I age, I accept compliments graciously. As I walked across the airport last week, an older Hispanic man said, “Hello pretty lady”. He could not have said it more lasciviously (I had lacy tights on) but I still laughed and said thank you. I once commented to Dionne Warwick that I knew her from somewhere…

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  6. I too struggle immensely with receiving compliments. I give freely, sincerely and honestly compliments and express my feelings towards people all the time. It is very easy. But when it comes to hearing nice things about me the old tapes over ride what I hear and I usually say something derogatory in reply. I am training myself to just say thank you. It’s hard. I do not trust anyone and I am always looking for a reason for their words. . Unfortunately, that is conditioning from my past life, especially my first marriage. Everything he gave had strings attached. It is a really unfair thing because people then wonder if what they said about you was true and then you stop getting nice comments.
    Here’s to a wonderful New year, my friend. Warning, here comes a compliment: You are truly amazing, and I am grateful for you words, thoughts and feelings. They are always real, make me think or dream. You are a gift!
    Jane πŸ™‚

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  7. Pingback: Senectitude | wuthering bites

  8. i could look back, and see where you went wrong? But why!

    You should talked, do you understand the power one man can push? i believe you do now, time to make some changes, stay out of my path…

    Possibly giving me a shout out whenever possible…

    Like

  9. Compliments are always
    difficult to accept, easy to
    give freely..
    Living in competition with
    that mirror image of an
    indentical twin has both
    been a best friend and
    competitive image at times.

    Happy New Year’s
    Victo & the gang!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Here in Australia it is already 2017. Happy New Year to you, your partner and the children. I hope 2017 is a good year for you. Sadly I tend to be a “Follower of Fox Mulder” Trust No One. If people compliment or praise me, I always wonder why and what do they want.

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  11. When I became a physician, I found it hard to accept compliments that concerned how I looked. As I have become and old gray-haired physician, it has become a bit easier to allow others to compliment me but still I find that I feel a bit false to allow some vanity in terms of how I look. Most days I am grateful to have a shower and fresh scrubs between cases; never mind what else but wearing a bit of color, a dress and heels is good for my soul. Why not accept that others feel the same way? Happy New Year Victo Dolore! You are awesome in 2017.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It was thinking what genre of compliment is the hardest for me to accept and I think it is praise of my clinical skills from patients. Things like, “You saved my life!” make me very uncomfortable. Not sure why exactly, but there it is. Have a fantastic new year!!!! πŸ™‚

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  12. Yes I’ve learnt that accepting compliments is truly a sign of self confidence. Internally they are taken with a pinch of salt but to the giver I am flattered. Similarly now my hair is mostly distributed on other parts of my body and not my head and what there is threatens rain rather than suggesting a deposit of coal, I find the occasional seat offered to me; that would be churlish to refuse I find, though it is best to check that the gift isn’t intended for the pregnant woman behind you to avoid embarrassment. Happy new year.

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  13. Those are great questions! I will give them some thought and get back to you on them (soon) πŸ™‚ In a couple of minutes, we are heading out the door to do babysitting duty so our daughter and hubby can celebrate an early New Years eve. Happy New Year Victo! DM

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  14. Happy New Year, Doctor V.
    Like you I find it difficult to accept compliments, even from my husband. However I too will work on being more gracious in accepting them – and try to be less cynical πŸ™‚

    Wishing you and your family all the best in 2017.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. When we learn to really. Be comfortable in our own skin and come to terms of who we are, we then are able to accept compliments with sincerity. It’s really cool. I now can say from the heart THANK YOU and mean it without squirming. It’s awesome!! Good luck!! If I can do it so can you!! πŸ˜™

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  16. That’s a lot to answer but I’ll answer one. I wish for my Hubby’s sake that he was shorter. He’s 6 ft 8 and no one can really imagine how hard it is to be that tall. No counter tops are high enough, clothes don’t fit, he’s banging his head all the time, and being a mechanic with the hoists not going high enough causing him a lot of back & neck pain are just a few of the things that make being that tall really hard.

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  17. Deserved compliment is a good thing. I believe, any woman internally knows when she looks excellent and when not that much. I always wanted a tall husband, and he’s everything I wanted: sings, plays guitar, owns a business, is smart and attractive, has a great sense of humor, says compliments when appropriate and criticizes when there’s something wrong. I am direct, too, so I like that.

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  18. I am very fortunate in that both Philip (my partner) and I found each other after we each had long-term, destructive relationships in which our ex-spouses were rather cruel to us. Instead of carrying that damaged emotional baggage with us, we decided to learn from it and vowed never to treat another person the way we were treated.

    We have created an incredibly kind, loving, supportive relationship. The kind of love we found is precious and live each day consciously nurturing each other. It sounds a bit hard to believe (and like a lot of work), but that’s what we do. It does take focus and the rewards are worth it.

    We’ve been together for six and half years and at least once a day I look at him and marvel at how lucky I am that he picked me. He does the same thing!

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  19. When we were dating and even after we were married, my husband, who is tall, blue eyed and handsome, told me I was the most beautiful woman in the world. I knew it wasn’t true so it made me feel uncomfortable.(I told him that once.) He doesn’t say it as often now, but the best compliment I got from him was that I was beautiful inside and out. Sometimes I think I am beautiful. It depends on the light and angle πŸ™‚ which is based on our standard/cultural magazine beauty. We are all beautiful in different ways. I have to work to believe it, but deep down, I know it’s true. I only wish my husband didn’t snore.

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  20. His sense of humor and purpose attracted me to him. He was both funny, driven and thoughtful. I tell him all the time that he’s sexy. I’ll call him up at work and say “Hey sexy” or squeeze his butt. I think he believes me. He’s not used to an affectionate woman so it sometimes catches him off guard, but he appreciates that I’m giving in my words, actions and touches. That I’m both beautiful and smart. I like it when he compliments me. It seems genuine and that he can really see me. Nothing. I’ve accepted that we are who we are and will be who we will be.

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  21. Oh. A reflection on Beauty… Just like that? Last few days of the year? Come on.
    Most people don’t even think about it, blinded as they are by other pursuits. (Money, money, money? Power, power…)
    I realized only a few years that what explained my endless wandering across the globe was a search for Beauty. And I realized that on the Pont de l’ArchevΓ©, looking at Note-Dame (hehe) and the murky waters of the world’s most beautiful river, La Seine. I realized that I gone to the end of the world looking for Beauty while I had there at my feet, between the river and the towers of Notre-Dame. (Nice shot BTB)
    One last reminder: The greeks, Plato in particular defined the world into three categories. The Beautiful, the Good and the Truthful. Only what is beautiful and true can lead to Good. There is no Good without truth. Nor without Beauty can there be Good. πŸ™‚

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