A Discourse on Intercourse

Philadelphia building

“Doc, I just want her to have sex with me. I come home after working hard and I want to make love to my wife but she’s not interested.”

I went into my usual discussion about wooing and foreplay and questions about their relationship but I was getting nowhere fast. It always feels incredibly silly for me to be giving anyone marriage advice, as if I have everything figured out, but here I was. Again. 

“Wait. Don’t you work out of town all week?”

He shrugged. “Yeah. So?”

“Look, you and she have four kids under the age of eight and five out of seven days out of any given week she is a single parent also working a full time job. You come home Friday night and want to get busy when she is exhausted and really just wants to finally get some good sleep? That is not math that is going to add up.”

“Can’t you just give her a pill?”

“Uh, no.”

“Then can you tell her she needs to lose some weight? Start exercising?”

I looked over at her, sitting silently in the corner. She was not obese. She sure did tired. She rolled her eyes.

“Tell you what, here is the name and contact info for a good marriage counselor…”

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126 thoughts on “A Discourse on Intercourse

  1. The one thing I know for sure, as a very single woman physician, is that marriage is complicated, complex and takes much work by both partners. This is probably why I am not married at this point in my life and probably never will be- my work is complicated enough. Great advice Victo!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I am a surgeon, for crying out loud, and I field plenty of questions about sex including the wooing and foreplay but also sex and aging issues (I do vascular surgery and deal with blood flow issues). Trust me, I learned very quickly, that all people want to be able to discuss sexual issues with their physician and many of these issues go beyond physical conditions.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. There is a whole lot more to those questions he was asking than the obvious. I feel sorry for her. I want to put his head through a wall. It’s actually sad.
    I think your photo for this post was also very interesting😊

    Liked by 7 people

  3. Bit of a dlilweed – that’s being nice! . Well, perhaps he is a Rolling Stones fan and looking to get her a “Mother’s Little Helper”. I agree, there is a lot more to this. I don’t know what else to say that has not already been said.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pfffft! Ordinarily I’d suggest a babysitter and date night — but in this case, I think you made the right call. Has he even done one day of her life? Bleh. Forget the pill, he needs a dose of reality!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Oh, gosh that’s depressing. I once had a guy complain to me that his wife never wanted sex so I asked him, “Have you tried being nice to her?” He looked at me completely baffled, like a deer caught in headlights and said, “Why?”

    I felt like telling him, “Well, because you aren’t rich, you aren’t attractive, and you’re boring and stupid.” You might want to consider adding something desirable to that mix.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. Good post.
    I feel sad for the wife.
    Unfortunately that man’s line of thinking doesn’t seem to be all that unusual, especially for a lot of so called Christian marriage writers.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I would have given him something to render him impotent…JERK! Poor thing is trapped in a terrible situation and with four kids, she is not going anywhere. This is how domestic violence is fed.

    Liked by 2 people

    • She certainly is trapped of a fashion. The knee jerk reaction is to say she should leave him. That was my initial reaction. But then there are the kids. What is best for them? What would I do? I have to admit that so long as I and the kids were not being physically abused I would probably stay. The fascinating thing about that whole interaction was that she was the one who refused to participate in counseling. And then I wondered if that was perhaps because she did not want to repair that relationship? It would frighten me, personally, to find myself having feeling for someone like that after I had been treated as such. I would not want to participate in counseling either.

      Liked by 2 people

      • She has been probably made to feel the issues and problems are all hers… she caused them. And he has her convinced. So she may think that therapy would confirm that and who wants to submit to that. She needs private counseling to get confident and find the strength to face the realty of her marriage. As far as the kids, I would not want them around someone like that. If he talks about her in front of her and in front of the doctor, can you imagine what he says in private. Hard rock to be caught under.

        Liked by 2 people

    • Have I told you lately that you are a good dad? That was a very sweet thing to say. I hope your daughters do find love and respect and joy in whatever form it takes. Glad you liked the photo! πŸ™‚

      Like

  8. In Europe the solution is to get a mistress. I know it sounds terrible to North American ears but I know a lot of couples like that and it works fine for them. If he works out of town that is what he could do. Getting a housekeeper to help with the kids etc. is also a solution. Otherwise they are on the road to divorce. Maybe this guy should not have married at all in the first place, happier single.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. β€œCan’t you just give her a pill?” To use an Aussie expression “What a drop kick”. I won’t translate but I’m sure you could find a pill to give him. Probably not legal.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Not an isolated case would be an understatement I should think. 46 years married and many conversations with many friends (mostly female) would suggest this is an epidemic sized headache for women especially, though I’m sure there are men out there too who are misunderstood. Would this be one of your most commented on posts by any chance?

    Like

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