Oops! I Did It Again….

Inside the Intrepid aircraft carrier in New York City

“MOM*!!!! Gross. Say ‘Excuse me…'” 

“What?”

“You farted!”

“Nah….”

Technically she’s right. I did fart, not that I would ever admit it out loud. It just sort of escaped. I don’t know if you truly get grassier in old age or if you just get less motivated to curtail the explosions when they rise to the surface. All I know is that I fart. I fart a lot. 

In fact, I come from a long line of farters.

One of the few times I was brave enough to have friends over in high school a sound erupted from the next room. The longest, loudest, wettest fart I had ever heard. My friends grew silent. One whispered, “Was that what I think it was?” Yes. Yes it was. That was the sound of my own mother making sure I never, ever had an adolescent social life to speak of. 

It is old news, that smelling farts may actually help prevent stokes and heart attacks. Unfortunately, my kids are not interested in the research. In their minds, it is chemical warfare. AND they are big enough that I cannot blame it on them anymore without them fighting back. Maybe I need a dog?

You may be expecting at this point that I will wrap up the post with some pithy moral lesson or propose a solution to an ethical delimma. Not this time, folks. But if you, too, fart a lot you do not fart alone. 

* To convey the proper level of shock and disapproval the word “MOM” here should be read with two syllables as in MOoo-ooOM.

** The photo above is from a WWII era aircraft carrier in NYC named the Intrepid. I highly recommend a visit if you are ever in the area.

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125 thoughts on “Oops! I Did It Again….

  1. Oh, thank god!! It’s so refreshing to know I’m not alone. I began tooting when I was in my 40s and try as I might control it, it was a losing battle. I’ll never forget one particular episode when I was in a store with my best friend and my two youngest sons and all of the sudden I let one rip. Actually, I had nothing to do it because it was like an explosion. Needless to say, my sons and my friend thought it was hilarious but all I wanted was for the floor to open up and envelope me.

    Liked by 1 person

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