Thursday Thoughts From the Throne

Bones at the American Museum of Natural History in NYC
At first I told myself I would NOT write a grumbly post-Halloween post. I held off for a good whole week and a few days but here I am on the toilet stewing about it still and so I feel compelled to just spill my guts, literally and figuratively…

In case you were ever unsure, an adult taking their dog trick or treating is NOT cute if the adult is collecting candy, not wearing a costume, and there are no kids around. If you are an adult who does this, stop. Go ahead and dress up your dog or pup or hamster or whatever pet you can coax into a costume without getting your eyes clawed out and feel free to take a walk through the neighborhood. Show off. Just don’t go begging for candy. 

Second, rollling an infant around in a stroller asking for candy is on par with the pet thing. Sure, they are cute. Feel free to walk around and show them off. But trying to roll a stroller up my front steps is dangerous and we both know that bag of snickers and gobstoppers is not for anyone but you. Buy your own damn candy!

Kids with two bags collecting for a mysterious “ill” sibling…. yeah. If your brother really got sick and you want to do something truly noble, share your own candy half and half. THAT demonstrates love and sacrifice and I won’t be left wondering if that sibling really exists or not as you giggle while walking away with your two heavily laden bags.

And lastly, if you are a kid who shows up at the end of the night when my candy is running low, you may very well end up with a sucker or a box of Nerds because that is all I have left. You don’t like that? Don’t throw the candy on the ground and mutter some expletive as you storm off. I just gave out over 2,000 pieces of candy and you not liking the fact that I am out of chocolate reflects poorly on you, not me.

Ah…. Now that feels better!


113 thoughts on “Thursday Thoughts From the Throne

  1. You have illustrated why I chose the “grumpy old woman” role and kept my curtains pulled, lights off, and bought 0 bags of candy. Perhaps next time if you have dogs needing treats you can point out to their walkers that chocolate can kill those cute little trick-or-treater’s 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Sounds like a very interesting Halloween you had. Also sounds like end of night kids have some entitlement issues and need some manners.

    I had one kid try to dump my entire candy bowl I was holding into his bag. He tried so hard he was hurting me. Having said that, his sister was with him and kept telling me he is autistic. I told her that I can understand that but he still needs to know that it’s not happening and I have other kids to hand out candy too as well. The kid trying to dump said candy looked at me and said, “I could have done it if I really wanted to.” He’s right he could have but thankfully he didn’t. No parents in site with this kiddo.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Last year an older kid came to our door dressed as spiderman. About a half hour later he returned. We called him on it and he claimed he wasn’t the same kid. He said, “Spiderman costumes are very popular this year.” We know it was the same kid but we had to give him credit, and more candy, for being so clever.

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  4. Were you really in the Throne Room and actually on the throne when writing this as I must admit there have been times when I’ve been tempted to take my laptop?

    Did you really hand out 2000 lollys/sweets/candies to children dressed up?; Must cost a fortune,

    I’m just glad that this halloween business hasn’t caught on fully here; as yet. The shops may be trying their damnedest to introduce it; anything for a buck, but it will take a lot more than them to make it “””successful”””.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ah – the beauty of living in a rural area where kids would rather hit the good neighborhoods in town rather than trek a half mile between houses. 😄 Years ago – in one such kid friendly house – I think I had two hundred goblins traipse to my door. The house got egged anyway – ever try and chisel frozen egg off of vinyl siding?

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  6. You must have nimble fingers to type so much on your phone…. Halloween used to be my favorite holiday as a child. Not because of the candy which was taken away from me for the most part. But because of the feel of the night. And I loved dressing up. As an adult who follows many of the “old ways”, Samhain means so much more to me. I know for me, it is the change of my year, it is a time of renewal and time to give thanks to my ancestors. There is a presence in the night air that is different than anytime else of the year. I think it is the spirit of the night that as a child I felt but did not know what it was. I used to do so much more for the night, but alas, I was too tired. We did not have an trick or treaters which was fine with me. Blessed be!

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  7. Victo, you won’t believe this but our priest was asking us to donate any left over candy to the church. It was to feed the homeless. I would hardly consider candy from Halloween food. Go figure, I guess he has a sweet tooth???

    Liked by 1 person

  8. The first year we were here in this house, a couple of young kids came round and we didn’t have anything for them because we’d forgotten it was Halloween, so I grabbed the nearest ‘sweetish’ things to hand and they never came back – ever again. It was a fruit-tea bag and a bit of fruit. Probably an orange. This year I thought our new neighbours’ grandkids might come but no – they sent their black cat instead… word gets round, obviously. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Well said, Victo! Now that my kids are men, we turn off the lights and hide. I always hated answering the door. That was my hubby’s job, and I went door to door with my boys. Now that Hubby works on the road as a trucker, Halloween doesn’t happen here anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. It sounds so nice when I read it in the books – clearly the grim reality is beyond cringe-worthy in a few places. I always thought it’s a funny concept – dressing up is great, trick or treating just sounded odd! What is the trick part anyway??

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  11. I admit I’m a Hallowe’en grouch. I just don’t *get* it and I fail to understand all the hype around it. If I had any of the experiences you’ve had, I would be an even bigger grouch about it. Seriously. What is wrong with some people?!!

    We don’t get a lot of trick-or-treaters in our neighbourhood. If I had to guess – this year was around 30. The highlight of my Hallowe’en this year was a group of older kids – maybe around 12ish – and they were all dressed up. They had made a real effort, were polite and oh so cute. They were the only older kids I got and they really stuck out in my mind.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Halloween ceased to be fun when my kids grew up. We didn’t grow up with it so we didn’t really miss it. I don’t even like the bigger kids coming to my door since I live alone. It’s lights out here but since you have children, you’ll have to tough it out a few more years and feel free to rant, Most of us understand.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Last year, at the tail end of the evening when I my candy bowl was empty and I figured the parade was finished, there was a soft knock at the door. I found a little boy standing on the porch alone in a funny but unrecognizable costume. When I opened the glass storm door he started into a half-poem half song with words pronounced in a slurred and barely heard way. I thought I saw a man in the shadows and guessed it was his father. The boy seemed too young to understand that I had run out of candy, so I went back inside and put three quarters in a zip up snack bag (see-through). He took it eagerly, but after looking closely he burst into tears. The young father stepped into the light and consoled the boy. I nodded, managed a polite smile, and closed the door. This year, the porch light remained dark.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. No wonder you needed to “spew.” Horsefeathers!
    In this neighborhood they’re pretty good about not knocking if the porch light is not on. Since my landlord won’t fix the porch light… I don’t have to make candy decisions. o_O Happy weekend hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

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